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In Which I Preached The Gospel To Donald Trump

And behold, I saw in my dream that it was Donald Trump. He had invited me to a meeting.
| Jul 14, 2016 | 13 comments |

So yesterday morning I was riding with my dad somewhere.

He was taking care of a baby while driving. He was really trying to get somewhere fast. Of course he was taking a mountain road without guardrails. Rushing through intersections. Swerving into opposite lanes. Praying we wouldn’t wreck. I don’t know why people such as my dad are frequently driving fast in my dreams. Sometimes I’m the one who’s driving fast, with the added horror that I’m also stuck in the backseat while driving.

But this time, somehow our destination had been changed.

Instead he pulled into the parking lot of some public venue, perhaps a recreation center. In the opposite parking space a convertible was just arriving. In it was a blonde woman in a short dress and a stocky, orange-haired fellow who looked remarkably like Donald Trump.

And behold, I saw in my dream that it was Donald Trump.1

He had invited members of large, homeschool families I had known in the central Kentucky region to a private meeting. There he would persuade them to vote for him as president.

Oh, I thought. This will be good.

I tried to record the meeting. But I left my usual DVR in my computer bag, which was across the room. So I tried to get one of the three recording apps to function on my phone. One was echoing back everything it recorded, so that wouldn’t do. The other one started okay, and didn’t echo, but I knew it would quickly eat up my phone memory and sound terrible.

Sim-Trump had already begun speaking and taking questions from people. I wish I could recall what he said. I do remember he was trying to sound all Christian-y. At one point he talked about Catholicism and how fantastic it is because of all the things Catholicism does for Christians. Ha! All my old homeschool crowd were default evangelicals. Not a Catholic among them. So why go on about Catholicism? Market research misfire.

Finally Sim-Trump took a break. I retrieved my other DVR and set it recording. (In real life it can record for 12 hours straight without stopping or running out of memory, often with recording-studio quality for voices.)

When Trump says something silly, I thought, I’ll be the one to post it all over the internet.

The break went on. So I got out some job applications and began filling them out. Why not?

Also for some reason a phone was nearby with another phone connected to the handset.

Trump was about to restart the meeting. He looked down and saw me with my job forms.

As I suspected, he had a force of personality that was quite intimidating—him standing, me sitting. “You looking for a job?” he asked.

I must have told him yes.

“I could hire you,” Trump said. “But I’m not sure if I have any Christian jobs.”

I felt others’ eyes on me and the room dropped silent.

He was about to start job-interview-grilling me, perhaps Apprentice-style, I just knew it.

But first I scowled up at him. “What’s a ‘Christian job’?” I asked.

He lost his edge a bit. “Well,” he tried, “you ‘cast a vision,’ and …”

There was more that I can’t remember, but it was a ridiculously “prosperity gospel” version of faith. This part was actually realistic.

“Whoa, whoa!” I cut in. “That’s not Christianity!” And boom, off I went. And I can still recall that it felt good to shove out into the room, overwhelming his charisma with my own.

“Let me tell you what Christianity is! Christianity starts with one entity, one eternal, perfect, loving Being at the center of the universe. He created everything we see and don’t see. God created the heavens and the earth!”

An older homeschool mom interrupted: “He made the whole damn thing in six days!”

(I swear this is what she said. And moreover I can tell you she sounded exactly like an older homeschool mom would while trying to swear.)

“He created it all.” I hoped that mom wouldn’t again throw off my groove. “But something went wrong. The first humans rebelled against God. They decided to be like God. They …”

And my wife’s alarm went off at 5:45 a.m. (Right now my clock shows 6:05 a.m.)

Darn. Bother it all!

She turned it off for a snooze. Well. I kept going, trying to kickstart the dream just in case.

“They brought sin into the world. They brought sins like hatred of God. Misusing God’s name. Taking things that don’t belong to you. Lying to others. Breaking your promises. Committing adultery!” (In my head I was accenting like Ray Comfort here—a carryover from the dream.) “For generations people continued in a state of sin and hatred against God. But God himself had a rescue plan.”2

(I thought about saying something like “Jesus, the son of God,” but I didn’t want to connote multiple gods to this particular audience. I figured: leave the Trinity out of this one.)

“God himself came to Earth as a man.” (I nearly said “in the form of a man.” Bad-doctrine dodge!) “He lived a perfect life. He helped his neighbors, ministered to them through healing and teaching and story, all to proclaim the Kingdom of heaven. Then his enemies killed him. He died to sacrifice himself, taking the punishment people deserve! Then he came back to life. He is Lord and commands everyone to repent of their sins and trust in him alone for salvation and new life. Only then can …”

The dream didn’t restart. But it was great to wake up preaching. And then to remember enough to transcribe this dream even as I sit here doing unto you, gentle reader.

Anyway, not a bad way to wake up. I wish I could wake up gospel-preaching more often.

The end.

  1. Disclaimer: in my interpretation, this was not necessarily a political dream.
  2. I’m sure this was nothing he hadn’t already heard from Paula White.
E. Stephen Burnett is coauthor (with Ted Turnau and Jared Moore) of The Pop Culture Parent: Helping Kids Engage Their World for Christ, which will release in spring 2020 from New Growth Press. He also explores biblical truth and fantastic stories as editor in chief of Lorehaven Magazine and writer at Speculative Faith. He has also written for Christianity Today and Christ and Pop Culture. He and his wife, Lacy, live in the Austin area and serve as members of Southern Hills Baptist Church.

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Kat Vinson

lol – What an exhilarating way to wake up!

Bethany A. Jennings

Ha!!! This is awesome. 😀 I love it when intense gospel truth makes its way into dreams.

Bethany A. Jennings

Side note…is there a typo in the title of the SpecFaith site? It looks liek it reads “Specuiative Faith.” The L is identical to the I in “faith”. Is that just the font, or…?

Bethany A. Jennings

Gotta love that I had a typo in my comment too. 😛 Clearly not judging here. Hahahaha.

Lauren B
Lauren B

I noticed the same thing.

Lauren B
Lauren B

What an awesome dream!! And so funny. You should make a short story out of it or something!

David Bergsland

One interesting thing, on a little tangent, Dobson claims to know a man who led Trump to the Lord recently. So, he may be a baby Christian. We can certainly pray.

Paul Lee

Funniest thing I’ve read encountered all week, I think. I totally see the old homeschool YEC mom trying to swear! That totally must have happened at least once in human history, just exactly like that….

My homeschool group in Upstate New York was heavily represented by Catholics. I don’t have the faintest idea about percentages, but there were multiple Catholic families and multiple evangelical families, of different evangelical sub-genres. I think the spirituality observed in those meetings was probably kind of weird.

Julie D

Hilarious. That would be so much fun!

Yaasha Moriah

THIS. This was hilarious! I laughed out loud several times during your story, particularly when the homeschool mother swore. Probably because, as meek and demure as some of those SAHMs can seem, some of them are pretty fiesty…and I know a few.

I’ve had a few very Gospel-oriented dreams like this, so I totally resonate with that moment of, “No! I’ve woken up. Okay, let’s just see if I can get back into the groove and finish the dream… Commencing Biblical heroics…” I didn’t know other people did that too!

Thanks so much for sharing. It made my day!

Rebecca LuElla Miller

Great that you woke up preaching, Stephen. If only Mr. Trump had wakened up listening! Or Sec. Clinton, for that matter. Or any number of politicians!