So yesterday morning I was riding with my dad somewhere.
He was taking care of a baby while driving. He was really trying to get somewhere fast. Of course he was taking a mountain road without guardrails. Rushing through intersections. Swerving into opposite lanes. Praying we wouldn’t wreck. I don’t know why people such as my dad are frequently driving fast in my dreams. Sometimes I’m the one who’s driving fast, with the added horror that I’m also stuck in the backseat while driving.
But this time, somehow our destination had been changed.
Instead he pulled into the parking lot of some public venue, perhaps a recreation center. In the opposite parking space a convertible was just arriving. In it was a blonde woman in a short dress and a stocky, orange-haired fellow who looked remarkably like Donald Trump.
And behold, I saw in my dream that it was Donald Trump.1
He had invited members of large, homeschool families I had known in the central Kentucky region to a private meeting. There he would persuade them to vote for him as president.
Oh, I thought. This will be good.
I tried to record the meeting. But I left my usual DVR in my computer bag, which was across the room. So I tried to get one of the three recording apps to function on my phone. One was echoing back everything it recorded, so that wouldn’t do. The other one started okay, and didn’t echo, but I knew it would quickly eat up my phone memory and sound terrible.
Sim-Trump had already begun speaking and taking questions from people. I wish I could recall what he said. I do remember he was trying to sound all Christian-y. At one point he talked about Catholicism and how fantastic it is because of all the things Catholicism does for Christians. Ha! All my old homeschool crowd were default evangelicals. Not a Catholic among them. So why go on about Catholicism? Market research misfire.
Finally Sim-Trump took a break. I retrieved my other DVR and set it recording. (In real life it can record for 12 hours straight without stopping or running out of memory, often with recording-studio quality for voices.)
When Trump says something silly, I thought, I’ll be the one to post it all over the internet.
The break went on. So I got out some job applications and began filling them out. Why not?
Also for some reason a phone was nearby with another phone connected to the handset.
Trump was about to restart the meeting. He looked down and saw me with my job forms.
As I suspected, he had a force of personality that was quite intimidating—him standing, me sitting. “You looking for a job?” he asked.
I must have told him yes.
“I could hire you,” Trump said. “But I’m not sure if I have any Christian jobs.”
I felt others’ eyes on me and the room dropped silent.
He was about to start job-interview-grilling me, perhaps Apprentice-style, I just knew it.
But first I scowled up at him. “What’s a ‘Christian job’?” I asked.
He lost his edge a bit. “Well,” he tried, “you ‘cast a vision,’ and …”
There was more that I can’t remember, but it was a ridiculously “prosperity gospel” version of faith. This part was actually realistic.
“Whoa, whoa!” I cut in. “That’s not Christianity!” And boom, off I went. And I can still recall that it felt good to shove out into the room, overwhelming his charisma with my own.
“Let me tell you what Christianity is! Christianity starts with one entity, one eternal, perfect, loving Being at the center of the universe. He created everything we see and don’t see. God created the heavens and the earth!”
An older homeschool mom interrupted: “He made the whole damn thing in six days!”
(I swear this is what she said. And moreover I can tell you she sounded exactly like an older homeschool mom would while trying to swear.)
“He created it all.” I hoped that mom wouldn’t again throw off my groove. “But something went wrong. The first humans rebelled against God. They decided to be like God. They …”
And my wife’s alarm went off at 5:45 a.m. (Right now my clock shows 6:05 a.m.)
Darn. Bother it all!
She turned it off for a snooze. Well. I kept going, trying to kickstart the dream just in case.
“They brought sin into the world. They brought sins like hatred of God. Misusing God’s name. Taking things that don’t belong to you. Lying to others. Breaking your promises. Committing adultery!” (In my head I was accenting like Ray Comfort here—a carryover from the dream.) “For generations people continued in a state of sin and hatred against God. But God himself had a rescue plan.”2
(I thought about saying something like “Jesus, the son of God,” but I didn’t want to connote multiple gods to this particular audience. I figured: leave the Trinity out of this one.)
“God himself came to Earth as a man.” (I nearly said “in the form of a man.” Bad-doctrine dodge!) “He lived a perfect life. He helped his neighbors, ministered to them through healing and teaching and story, all to proclaim the Kingdom of heaven. Then his enemies killed him. He died to sacrifice himself, taking the punishment people deserve! Then he came back to life. He is Lord and commands everyone to repent of their sins and trust in him alone for salvation and new life. Only then can …”
The dream didn’t restart. But it was great to wake up preaching. And then to remember enough to transcribe this dream even as I sit here doing unto you, gentle reader.
Anyway, not a bad way to wake up. I wish I could wake up gospel-preaching more often.