New!
Author resources • Lorehaven Guild
Podcast sponsors • Subscribe for free
Crew manifest Faith statement FAQs
All author resources Lorehaven Guild Subscribe for free

Into the Darkness
Reviews, Feb 3, 2023

The Chosen Succeeds Where ‘Woke’ Stories Fail
Jenneth Dyck in Articles, Feb 2, 2023

Rose Petals and Snowflakes
Book Quests, Feb 1, 2023

Library

Find fantastical Christian novels

fantasy · sci-fi · and beyond
middle grade · young adult · grown-ups
All novels Search Add a novel
Silver Bounty, Victoria McCombs
A Sword for the Immerland King, F. W. Faller
Calor, J. J. Fisher
Once Upon A Ren Faire, A. C. Castillo
The Genesis 6 Project, Michael Ferguson
Exile, Loren G. Warnemuende
Aberration, Cathy McCrumb
The Truth Beyond the Lies, Kathleen Bird
Frost, Winter's Lonely Guardian, E. E. Rawls
Dream of Kings, Sharon Hinck
The Change, Bradley Caffee
Quest of Fire: Desperation, Brett Armstrong
Wishtress, Nadine Brandes
Flight, Kristen Young
Podcast

Get the Fantastical Truth podcast

Podcast sponsors | Subscribe links
Archives Feedback

147. Why Can Christians Celebrate Stories about Merlin and King Arthur? | with Robert Treskillard
Fantastical Truth, Jan 31, 2023

146. How Did Animators Adapt The Wingfeather Saga For Streaming TV? | with Keith Lango
Fantastical Truth, Jan 24, 2023

145. How Did Edmund Spenser’s ‘The Faerie Queene’ Shape Christian Fantasy? | with Rebecca K. Reynolds
Fantastical Truth, Jan 17, 2023

144. Which Top Six Fantasy Franchises Gave Fans Grief in 2022?
Fantastical Truth, Jan 10, 2023

143. Which Top Ten Lorehaven Stories Proved Most Popular in 2022?
Fantastical Truth, Jan 6, 2023

142. What Christmas Gift ‘Tools, Not Toys’ Helped You Grow As a Person?
Fantastical Truth, Dec 20, 2022

Quests

Join our monthly digital book quests.

Lorehaven Guild Faith statement FAQs

Rose Petals and Snowflakes
Book Quests, February 2023

Prince Caspian
Book Quests, January 2023

Dream of Kings
Book Quests, December 2022

On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness
Book Quests, November 2022

Reviews

Find fantastical Christian reviews

All reviews Request review

Into the Darkness
“Charles Hack’s Into the Darkness summons a close-range science fiction story, focusing on the personal challenges of space warfare among alien cultures with a steady pace and serious tone.”
—Lorehaven on Feb 3, 2023

A Crown of Chains
“A Crown of Chains creatively retells a biblical tale to explore themes of providence, racism, faith, and fidelity.”
—Lorehaven on Jan 27, 2023

Lander’s Legacy
“Lander’s Legacy stacks modern thrills and complex characters on a foundation of biblical what-ifs.”
—Lorehaven on Jan 20, 2023

Prince Caspian
“Pacing starts slow but creature lore grows in C. S. Lewis’s sequel, introducing practical tyrants and talking-beast politics into a Narnian resistance.”
—Lorehaven on Jan 13, 2023

Gifts

Find new gifts for Christian fans

Archives

The original SpecFaith: est. 2006

Speculative Faith | archives

Lorehaven issues (2018–2020)

Order back issues online!
New
Library
Podcast
Quests
Reviews
Gifts
Archives
Lorehaven helps Christian fans explore fantastical stories for Christ’s glory: fantasy, science fiction, and beyond. Articles, the library, reviews, podcasts, gifts, and the Lorehaven Guild community help fans discern and enjoy the best Christian-made fantastical stories, applying their meanings to the real world Jesus Christ calls us to serve. Subscribe free to get any updates you choose and to access the Lorehaven Guild.
Subscribe free to Lorehaven
/ SpecFaith /

The Rowling

Once upon an evening weary, as my eyes grew red and bleary, Surfing ‘cross the net for news, an awful, tedious, dreadful chore Suddenly there came a pinging—an alarum gently ringing Some neglected RSS feed that I’d never checked before…
Fred Warren on Jun 28, 2011
No comments

The Rowling

(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

Once upon an evening weary, as my eyes grew red and bleary,
Surfing ‘cross the net for news, an awful, tedious, dreadful chore
Suddenly there came a pinging—an alarum gently ringing
Some neglected RSS feed that I’d never checked before
So, in drowsy boredom drooping, idly I went a-snooping
Snooping for some hopeful fragment of intriguing, novel lore
Clicked the link—t’was Pottermore!

There, a gentle, smiling image
J.K. Rowling’s placid visage
Greeted me with promises of wonders I’d ne’er seen before
Interactive new adventures, hints at innovative ventures
E-books, fanfic, member forums, beta testing, focus quorums
Secrets never shared by Harry, Voldemort, or Dumbledore
Coming soon to Pottermore

In a daze, I scanned the website
Watching origami ow-ls take flight
Flying over magic tomes with letters peeling by the score
How, I pondered, can she do this?
Is she mad, or merely clueless?
Self-publishing? A peddler in some thinly-veiled online store
By the name of Pottermore?

Still, despite my frantic raving
Spittle flying, arms a-waving
Shattering the peace that reigned within my private office door
Shouting, “Is this merely madness?
Is there any hope of gladness
Bringing to self-publishing a luster it’s not known before?”
Still she murmured, “Pottermore”

No more publishers or agents
Editors or drones to rage at
Maybe she could skip the middleman and make a buck or four
So, I gazed upon the image
Mused upon the peaceful visage
Of that author who had found success so many times before
Calmly pitching Pottermore

It may be the tide is turning
Protocols are ripe for burning
Burning that will make us wonder what the future has in store
Will status quo return again?
Or literary chaos reign?
Perhaps, a brand-new paradigm that shakes us to our very core
Heralded by Pottermore

Fred Warren
Fred was born in Tacoma, Washington, but spent most of his formative years in California, where his parents pastored a couple of small churches. He graduated from the U.S. Air Force Academy in 1983, and spent 24 years in the Air Force as a bomber navigator, flight-test navigator, and military educator. He retired from the Air Force in 2007, and now works as a government contractor in eastern Kansas, providing computer simulation support for Army training.Fred has been married for 25 years to the girl who should have been his high school sweetheart, and has three kids, three dogs, and a mortgage. When he's not writing or reading, he enjoys running, hiking, birdwatching, stargazing, and playing around with computers.Writing has always been a big part of his life, but he kept it mostly private until a few years ago, when it occurred to him that if he was ever going to get published, he needed to get serious about it. Since then, he's written more than twenty short stories that have been published in a variety of print and online magazines, and a novel, The Muse, that debuted in November 2009 from Splashdown Books, which was a finalist for the 2010 American Christian Fiction Writers Carol Award for book of the year in the speculative genre. Speculative fiction is his first love, but he writes the occasional bit of non-fiction or poetry, just to keep things interesting.
Website ·
  1. Amy Timco says:
    June 28, 2011 at 8:07 am

    This cracks me up! Pure brilliance!

    Reply
  2. Christian says:
    June 28, 2011 at 8:19 am

    I don’t write poetry and I typically don’t enjoy it but Poe’s The Raven is one of the few I do enjoy. Your parody is exceptional. Well done, Fred!

    Reply
  3. Rebecca LuElla Miller says:
    June 28, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Very clever, Fred. Here I’d thought to do an article about Pottermore. So glad I didn’t. Your humor was much more fitting.

    But I wonder, do you really think Pottermore will have an effect on publishing? I mean, I sort of thought, what works for J. K. Rowling works because she is J. K. Rowling.

    Becky

    Reply
    • Rachel Starr Thomson says:
      June 28, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      Becky, I would still love to see an article on Pottermore from you, especially as relates to self-publishing.
      And as always, Fred, super job!

      Reply
    • Fred Warren says:
      June 28, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      Oh, please do write the article Becky. My goofing doesn’t begin to address the deeper issues here. I don’t think it’s such a revolutionary move on the surface–we’ve had self-publishing and interactive writing communities for years–but I think the psychological impact could be huge.

      1. Self-publishing has been the crazy aunt in the attic for a long time now. If a name author has the confidence to run off and start creating her own e-books and self-publishing new material, it’s going to inspire other people to follow her example. Granted, J.K. Rowling has huge resources at her disposal, but it’s the principle of the thing. Self-publishing increasingly becomes the province of savvy, talented authors, and derisive labels like “vanity press” lose their power. It also brings the artist closer to their audience.

      2. Traditional publishing houses demand authors bring with them an established “platform” of dedicated fans who they know will buy their books. Rowling may demonstrate that if you’ve got the platform, modern technology enables you to dispense with the publishing house and pocket all that money that used to go to intermediaries. If you’re a publisher, this must be terrifying. What will they do when more big-name authors decide to bolt from the system? How will they attract new celebrity authors?

      Reply
  4. Galadriel says:
    June 28, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Interesting….very interesting

    Reply
  5. Krysti says:
    April 15, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I love your parody, Fred! I don’t get to drop by here much anymore, but that was great!

    Becky, you really SHOULD write that article!  Now we’re all curious and ready to eat it up–

    Sharing the link to this at http://facebook.com/ms.contraryartist! I hope you won’t mind! 

    Reply

What do you think? Cancel reply

  • Books Versus The ScreenBooks Versus The Screen
  • Well, Duh! The Disappointing Thing About The JK Rowling MessWell, Duh! The Disappointing Thing About The JK Rowling Mess
  • The Next Big ThingThe Next Big Thing
  • Imagination: For God’s Glory and Others’ Good, Part 4Imagination: For God’s Glory and Others’ Good, Part 4
Lorehaven magazine, spring 2020

Wear the wonder:
Get exclusive shirts and beyond

Listen to Lorehaven’s podcast

Authors and publishers:
Reach new fans with Lorehaven

Lorehaven helps Christian fans explore fantastical stories for Christ’s glory: fantasy, science fiction, and beyond. Articles, the library, reviews, podcasts, gifts, and the Lorehaven Guild community help fans discern and enjoy the best Christian-made fantastical stories, applying their meanings to the real world Jesus Christ calls us to serve. Subscribe free to get any updates you choose and to access the Lorehaven Guild.
Website · Facebook · Instagram · Twitter