I experienced a thunderbolt of inspiration. Divine inspiration. The author, and the rest of us, have missed the true spiritual threat lurking among the stacks of supposedly “uplifting” reading material that burden the shelves of our supposedly “Christian” bookstores.
Cookbooks. Hundreds of ’em.
You might say that nothing is so natural as food, and a shared meal is the foundation of Christian fellowship and family unity, and I would agree with you. All sin begins with something good, some gift of God that becomes horribly twisted by our fallen desires. The cookbook may begin from an innocent motivation, but it leads inevitably to the destruction of the fellowship and unity that we seek. Here’s how:
1. Cookbooks breed dissatisfaction with traditional home cooking. Suddenly, salt and pepper aren’t good enough. We need exotic spices with unpronounceable names from exotic places with unpronounceable names where people participate in unholy rituals with unpronounceable names. Mom’s meatloaf and fried chicken seem bland and uninteresting by comparison. Family members begin to prowl the urban backalleys late at night seeking the titillation of Pressed Duck, Beef Wellington, or, heaven forbid, Moo Goo Gai Pan.
2. Cookbooks create dissension and jealousy within the Church. Once the cookbook has infiltrated the house of worship, nothing is ever the same again. Grey-haired cornerstones of the congregation totter home from church potlucks in tears, their macaroni & cheese and carrot-jello molds barely touched. Families stop reading the Bible and turn to ever-more-expensive recipe tomes, searching for the perfect dish to silence the boasting of their neighbors across the aisle. Cherry pie is supplanted by Cherries Jubilee.
3. Cookbooks corrupt the mind with lustful images of culinary excess. I mean, just look at this. It’s shameful. Gluttonous. There are worse things out there–dishes prepared from parts of the animal never meant to see the light of day. I’ll spare you that indecency.
4. Cookbooks are cutting into my market share. I have a line of spiritually-uplifting cookery pamphlets that keep food in its proper place and preserve the Christian values of a modest meal, tastefully prepared. They’re available in paperback and e-book from my personal publishing house, FredBooks.com. Here’s a sample:
- Cooking with Jesus: Satisfying Meals from Five Loaves and Two Fishes
- The Prophet Diet: High Protein, Low Carb, Organic Dishes Inspired by John the Baptist
- Manna Rebooted!
- The Sanctified Chicken: Because Game Birds Will Kill You (Numbers 11:31-34)
Now, go forth and eat the way God intended.