New!
Author resources • Lorehaven Guild
Podcast sponsors • Subscribe for free
Crew manifest Faith statement FAQs
All author resources Lorehaven Guild Subscribe for free

148. Why Do Some Christians Revile ‘The Chosen’? | with Josiah DeGraaf and Jenneth Dyck
Fantastical Truth Podcast, Feb 7, 2023

Into the Darkness
Reviews, Feb 3, 2023

The Chosen Succeeds Where ‘Woke’ Stories Fail
Jenneth Dyck in Articles, Feb 2, 2023

Library

Find fantastical Christian novels

fantasy · sci-fi · and beyond
middle grade · young adult · grown-ups
All novels Search Add a novel
The Wayward, Tabitha Caplinger
Fortified, V. Romas Burton
Canaan Sleeps, Daniel Camomile
Silver Bounty, Victoria McCombs
A Sword for the Immerland King, F. W. Faller
Calor, J. J. Fisher
Once Upon A Ren Faire, A. C. Castillo
The Genesis 6 Project, Michael Ferguson
Exile, Loren G. Warnemuende
Aberration, Cathy McCrumb
The Truth Beyond the Lies, Kathleen Bird
Frost, Winter's Lonely Guardian, E. E. Rawls
Dream of Kings, Sharon Hinck
The Change, Bradley Caffee
Podcast

Get the Fantastical Truth podcast

Podcast sponsors | Subscribe links
Archives Feedback

148. Why Do Some Christians Revile ‘The Chosen’? | with Josiah DeGraaf and Jenneth Dyck
Fantastical Truth, Feb 7, 2023

147. Why Can Christians Celebrate Stories about Merlin and King Arthur? | with Robert Treskillard
Fantastical Truth, Jan 31, 2023

146. How Did Animators Adapt The Wingfeather Saga For Streaming TV? | with Keith Lango
Fantastical Truth, Jan 24, 2023

145. How Did Edmund Spenser’s ‘The Faerie Queene’ Shape Christian Fantasy? | with Rebecca K. Reynolds
Fantastical Truth, Jan 17, 2023

144. Which Top Six Fantasy Franchises Gave Fans Grief in 2022?
Fantastical Truth, Jan 10, 2023

143. Which Top Ten Lorehaven Stories Proved Most Popular in 2022?
Fantastical Truth, Jan 6, 2023

Quests

Join our monthly digital book quests.

Lorehaven Guild Faith statement FAQs

Rose Petals and Snowflakes
Book Quests, February 2023

Prince Caspian
Book Quests, January 2023

Dream of Kings
Book Quests, December 2022

On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness
Book Quests, November 2022

Reviews

Find fantastical Christian reviews

All reviews Request review

Into the Darkness
“Charles Hack’s Into the Darkness summons a close-range science fiction story, focusing on the personal challenges of space warfare among alien cultures with a steady pace and serious tone.”
—Lorehaven on Feb 3, 2023

A Crown of Chains
“A Crown of Chains creatively retells a biblical tale to explore themes of providence, racism, faith, and fidelity.”
—Lorehaven on Jan 27, 2023

Lander’s Legacy
“Lander’s Legacy stacks modern thrills and complex characters on a foundation of biblical what-ifs.”
—Lorehaven on Jan 20, 2023

Prince Caspian
“Pacing starts slow but creature lore grows in C. S. Lewis’s sequel, introducing practical tyrants and talking-beast politics into a Narnian resistance.”
—Lorehaven on Jan 13, 2023

Gifts

Find new gifts for Christian fans

Archives

The original SpecFaith: est. 2006

Speculative Faith | archives

Lorehaven issues (2018–2020)

Order back issues online!
New
Library
Podcast
Quests
Reviews
Gifts
Archives
Lorehaven helps Christian fans explore fantastical stories for Christ’s glory: fantasy, science fiction, and beyond. Articles, the library, reviews, podcasts, gifts, and the Lorehaven Guild community help fans discern and enjoy the best Christian-made fantastical stories, applying their meanings to the real world Jesus Christ calls us to serve. Subscribe free to get any updates you choose and to access the Lorehaven Guild.
Subscribe free to Lorehaven
/ SpecFaith /

The Parable Of The Platypus

“The platypus is one of the world’s great wonders. People should be coming from miles around to buy one.”
Fred Warren on Nov 20, 2012
No comments

A lanky old man in faded jeans, lizardskin boots, a blue flannel shirt, and a battered cowboy hat walks up to a roadside stand in rural Texas manned by a young fellow in overalls and a John Deere cap. There’s a hand-lettered sign on the stand: “Pete’s Platypuses”.

The old man spits tobacco juice onto the gravel road and adjusts his hat. “Mornin’, Pete. How’s business?”

“Mornin’, Bill. Slow as usual. I don’t understand it. The platypus is one of the world’s great wonders. People should be coming from miles around to buy one.”

“Seems you’re not lacking potential customers. They’re lined up all the way back to the state highway over there at Dolly’s Ducks.”

“Ignorant yokels wouldn’t know a quality product if it bit ‘em in the leg. What could be more boring than a duck? She doesn’t even sell the colorful ones. Plain white ducks, day in, day out.”

“Well, they’re pretty versatile. Soft and fluffy, lay eggs, keep the bugs down if you turn ‘em loose on your front yard. Besides, you can stuff pillows with the feathers, and in a pinch, you can serve the critters up roasted for dinner.”

“I’ll  wager you enjoy sitting on your front porch watchin’ the grass grow, too. Here…take a good look at this platypus. It’s got a bill and webbed feet, plus a beaver tail, fur, and poison spikes on its hind legs. It’s warm-blooded, and it lays eggs. Tell me that’s not more interesting than some stupid duck.”

“Maybe you’re trying to sell to the wrong crowd. I hear tell there’s a steady market in Australia for platypuses. You could set up shop there.”

“No, sir. No way, no how I am ever leaving my Lone Star homeland. These are Texas platypuses. I’ve specially bred these animals to reflect the unique heritage of the Longhorn State in a manner that is instantly recognizable, yet subtle and tasteful. See that white patch on their sides? If you turn your head just so…”

“I see it! Hook ‘em Horns!”

“Amen, brother. Now, the way I figure it, once those Australians see the innate superiority of these Texas platypuses and the culture that spawned them, they’ll  want to become Texans themselves, and I won’t be able to keep up with demand for my fine product.”

“Pete, I don’t believe anyone has ever changed citizenship on account of their taste in pets.”

“I only wish I could sell more of them to Americans. The hayseeds around here buy the same thing over and over again. Ducks, ducks, ducks. No sophistication, no sense of adventure. Yeah, I’m talking about you, Dolly! Nice hat! You got a pilot license for that thing?”

“I think she’s ignoring you.”

“No matter. She can’t keep selling those ducks forever. People are bound to get tired of them eventually. Listen, the key to the future is attracting the attention of the city folk. That’s where the real money is. Take a gander at my Urban Platypus version.”

“Wow. What did you use to get his fur to stand up like that?”

“Hairspray. The ripped jeans and little combat boots were the hardest part. Poison spikes’ll do a number on you if you’re not careful.”

“How’d you get him to sit still for the tattoo?”

“Oh, that’s henna. Painted on. Hard to tell from the real thing, if you don’t look too close.”

“So, you sell a lot of these?”

“Not yet, but I have high hopes. It sure riles up Dolly and her customers. They think it’s unnatural. I’d better put this one away before they round up some tar to go with all the feathers over there.”

“Mmm-hm. That gal in the calico and pinafore looks like she’s ready to put a hurtin’ on you.”

“How about you, Bill? You gonna stand here jawin’ all day, or are you going to buy yourself a platypus? I’ll give you a special discount.”

“Sorry, Pete. I’ve got to mosey over to Dolly’s. Wife sent me here with specific instructions to buy her a duck, and I don’t want to think about what might happen if I come home with something else. Best of luck, though. Hook ‘em Horns!”

“Right. Thanks for nothin’, buddy.”

“And Pete, you might want to work a bit on that sales pitch. And smile more. People enjoy a nice smile.”

“Do tell. Enjoy your duck, you ignorant yokel.”

Fred Warren
Fred was born in Tacoma, Washington, but spent most of his formative years in California, where his parents pastored a couple of small churches. He graduated from the U.S. Air Force Academy in 1983, and spent 24 years in the Air Force as a bomber navigator, flight-test navigator, and military educator. He retired from the Air Force in 2007, and now works as a government contractor in eastern Kansas, providing computer simulation support for Army training.Fred has been married for 25 years to the girl who should have been his high school sweetheart, and has three kids, three dogs, and a mortgage. When he's not writing or reading, he enjoys running, hiking, birdwatching, stargazing, and playing around with computers.Writing has always been a big part of his life, but he kept it mostly private until a few years ago, when it occurred to him that if he was ever going to get published, he needed to get serious about it. Since then, he's written more than twenty short stories that have been published in a variety of print and online magazines, and a novel, The Muse, that debuted in November 2009 from Splashdown Books, which was a finalist for the 2010 American Christian Fiction Writers Carol Award for book of the year in the speculative genre. Speculative fiction is his first love, but he writes the occasional bit of non-fiction or poetry, just to keep things interesting.
Website ·
  1. Galadriel says:
    November 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    “Pete, I don’t believe anyone has ever changed citizenship on account of their taste in pets.”
    — I’ve considered changing citizenship to Great Britain on account of their glorious history, amazing literature, skilled actors and…

    Okay, because of Doctor Who. 

    I’m looking forward to seeing what others have to say about this post. 

    Reply
    • Joanna says:
      November 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

      I think my chances of being picked up by The Doctor as a companion would certainly be better if I moved across the water. 😀
       
      He always seems to favor Great Briton. 😉

      Reply
  2. Kessie says:
    November 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    That’s why I’m working to cut off my platypus’s front legs, so I can sell it as a duck. 😀

    Reply
    • Bob Menees says:
      November 21, 2012 at 7:45 am

      To make it work, you’d have to teach it to quack, and that’s near impossible. It be best if you started out with near knockoff. Say, a parrot.

      Reply

What do you think? Cancel reply

  • Speculative Fiction And Contemporary CultureSpeculative Fiction And Contemporary Culture
  • Guest Blog: Donita PaulGuest Blog: Donita Paul
  • Rearranging Icons 7: Coming Full-CircleRearranging Icons 7: Coming Full-Circle
  • While I Was AwayWhile I Was Away
Lorehaven magazine, spring 2020

Wear the wonder:
Get exclusive shirts and beyond

Listen to Lorehaven’s podcast

Authors and publishers:
Reach new fans with Lorehaven

Lorehaven helps Christian fans explore fantastical stories for Christ’s glory: fantasy, science fiction, and beyond. Articles, the library, reviews, podcasts, gifts, and the Lorehaven Guild community help fans discern and enjoy the best Christian-made fantastical stories, applying their meanings to the real world Jesus Christ calls us to serve. Subscribe free to get any updates you choose and to access the Lorehaven Guild.
Website · Facebook · Instagram · Twitter