Superheroes in a Psalm?
I’m no heretic; please stay calm
If you know just where to look
You can find them in the Book
Books out! For superheroes in the Psalms.

Is this wrong? Listen, crew
I’m not saying the authors knew
Hermeneutics aren’t done this way
But we know that, so let’s play
Oh where — are the superheroes in the Psalms?

He rode on a cherub and flew;
he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.

Psalm 18:10

“I am here to fight for truth, and justice, and the American way.”

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,
thick clouds dark with water.

Psalm 18:11

“I am vengeance! I am the night!”

Now Asahel was as swift of foot as a wild gazelle.

2 Samuel 2:18b¹

“I had dinner with two women at the same time! ‘Cause I’m a stud.”

There he broke the flashing arrows,
the shield, the sword, and the weapons of war.

Psalm 76:3

“There’s only one God, ma’am, and I’m pretty sure He doesn’t dress like that.”

You divided the sea by your might;
you broke the heads of the sea monsters on the waters.

Psalm 74:13

“King of the seas, remember?”

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.

Psalm 139:2

[“Have you read his mind yet?”] “Martians don’t do that to one another.”

Smoke went up from his nostrils,
and devouring fire from his mouth;
glowing coals flamed forth from him.

Psalm 18:8

“Flame on!”

Then the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations also of the mountains trembled
and quaked, because he was angry.

Psalm 18:7

“That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.”

For by you I can run against a troop,
and by my God I can leap over a wall.

[…] He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
He trains my hands for war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

Psalm 18:29, 33-34

“Your friendly neighborhood …”

[…] He flashed forth lightnings and routed them.

Psalm 18:14b

“Fooorrrr Midgaaaaard!”

[…] His neck was put in a collar of iron

Psalm 105:18b

“It’s Christmas. Take ‘em to church.”

And he sent out his arrows and scattered them

Psalm 18:14a

“They can’t bank worth a …”

You have a mighty arm;
strong is your hand, high your right hand.

Psalm 89:13

“Let’s go kill some monsters.”

Take hold of shield […]

Psalm 35:2a

“You’re at 114 Solenski Plaza, third floor. We have an F-22 exactly eight miles out. Put the woman on the phone or I will blow up the block before you can make the lobby.”