Christians are pretty terrible, and even worse because they make Christian culture.1
Let’s face it: Christians just aren’t very good artists. Instead of exploring truth, we make propaganda. Instead of chasing creative excellence, we rip off other stories. And sometimes we even make our version of “art” only so we can sell stuff to children and adults.
Don’t believe me? Don’t lie. Everyone already believes me, because you can find these kinds of written pieces everywhere on the internet! (Look, there goes another one.)
So what if we drop yet another un-creative, Christian addition into this creativity pool? It only fits with our theme, ironically! Let’s look at the top six ways Christian culture ignores the best of human creativity—truth-telling, originality, and artistic expression—and is just the worst:
1. This TV kids’ cartoon that is the preachiest and most religious ever
This cartoon ran during the 1990s. It featured a team of kids who get special powers. They’re aided by a messianic figure clad in suspicious attire. These kids travel the planet to preach the one true message of salvation that can stop evil and save the world.
Who needs their message most? Maybe it’s the villains who are so over-the-top ridiculous. They’re caricatures. They have no complex motives like you’d see in the best non-Christian storytelling. They’re just eeeevil! Well, with that kind of simplistic, shallow portrayal of other human beings, you know there must be Christians involved. Just the worst!
2. Blatant Pixar ripoffs that teach hilarious moralistic lessons
Some Christians can’t stand it when the world has better stories than them. But what can these subpar “creators” do? Why, rip off the world, of course. In this case, a bunch of unoriginal evangelical believers working in low-rent sort-of-animation studios just up and stole from Pixar films, such as Up, Ratatouille, and of course Cars.
The results are as terrible as you’d expect, by all internet accounts. Such as this one thing, made by Christians. Here a rebellious teen car runs away from home, smokes cigarettes, and learns valuable lessons about not doing those things, plus peer pressure.
Come on, Christians! Why can’t you do better?
3. Disney knockoffs that steal princesses and other movies just to cash in
The world creates great stories, but Christians are just the worst at original things. That’s why only Christians rip off famous movies such as Disney movies.
Here we see the wild Christian who just wants to push religious values, instead of valuing art. Instead of making his own culture, he appropriates Disney culture of princesses and fairy tales. These Christians can’t even release this shlock to theaters. They have to go direct-to-video.
Just the worst.
4. This terrible new movie with no story, only sermonizing
Sure, Christians are all about truth. But why do they talk about it all the time in everything they make? Why do they cut creative corners and drone on and on about their beliefs, even when no one is listening? Yet somehow they keep getting money for these new “artistic” projects that don’t care for story, but repeat the same boring sermons over and over.
With this example, you probably didn’t even know it had released to theaters even now. This kind of faith propaganda, over story, is worse than inconvenient. It’s just the worst.
5. Cutesy, kitschy, or even offensive products that don’t reflect reality
“Jesus junk” is altogether terrible. You’ve probably seen this stuff at your grandparents’ house, even if they’re not Christians. Usually it’s plastic or ceramic figures, called “collectibles” because “collect” is all you can do with them. They have these cutesy faces and/or some kind of tie-in to Route 66, Christmas, or Elvis Presley.
In fact, there are too many varieties to list here. So we can’t even share a photo. We also avoid showing examples, because some of these things repeat “retro” notions like sexism and racism. Clearly only Christian culture can be responsible for this sort of thing. But only other Christians eat this stuff up.
6. This kids’ movie with cute animals preaching their fake religion, and this YA movie series about a woman with no other personality or goals and so she only lives for the affections of a kinda-rapey monster man
7. BONUS: this breakfast cereal
Christians can’t leave well-enough alone. Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes brand cereal is fine on its own. No one needs to come along with some kind of “Jesus”-ified improvement. It only turns out terrible, as you can see below (the cereal clearly made by Christian culture is at the far right):
Amazing. Christian culture is just the worst!
- Note: satire. ↩