The people of Geekville have spoken. The votes have been gathered by the Unicorn Delivery Service (UDS instead of UPS) and dutifully tallied by the Anonymous Dwarves Volunteer Association.
Prepare the confetti.
Let the drumroll begin.
It’s with great pleasure I announce the winner of this fictional election, as chosen by the upstanding citizens of Geekville…
STEVE ROGERS (aka Captain America)!!!
This was a landslide victory for Cap. The runner-up, Aragorn, received less than half the number of votes Cap did.
Based on this victory, it’s clear we know the type of leader we want. Someone who’s honest, unswerving in his convictions and values. Honor and strength radiate from him. He’s a man who can get the job done, even if it’s hard.
He’s not the leader the people deserve, but he’s the one they need. As promised, let’s take a look at how Cap proposes to fix some of today’s most pressing problems.
Captain America Policies
I’m not perfect, not by a long stretch. But I’ve seen my fair number of regimes. I know the damage they can do, and I know what true freedom looks like. I’m willing to stand up to defend that freedom, whatever the cost.
As your elected leader, here are some ways I intend to address the pressing issues facing us.
PROBLEM: Unchecked immigration.
SOLUTION: This is clearly an area where S.H.I.E.L.D. must have jurisdiction. They are, without a doubt, the leading authority on illegal aliens. I would turn all operations over to their capable team.
PROBLEM: Insufficient quality in education.
SOLUTION: Hire experts in various fields to revitalize the education system. This will be accomplished by appointing a search committee headed by the renowned doctor, Stephen Strange.
PROBLEM: Threats from terrorism and hostile nations.
SOLUTION: No group is more qualified to deal with such dangers than the Avengers. Wherever threats arise, the Avengers will see the people protected.
PROBLEM: Lack of space exploration.
SOLUTION: Emphasize the need to explore, to expand our horizons. An excellent consultant in this matter would be Thor.
PROBLEM: Nuclear threats.
SOLUTION: With the help of leading scientists and experts, such as Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, I would develop a state-of-the-art security system to guarantee the safety of the citizens. Note: this endeavor would in no way mirror the Ultron initiative.
PROBLEM: Russian hacking.
SOLUTION: To combat this backdoor threat, I would select Natasha Romanoff. Her unquestionable knowledge in this area is a valuable asset. She would assemble and lead a specialized team tasked with searching out, identifying, and neutralizing any Russian attempts to undermine us.
PROBLEM: Big government.
SOLUTION: Reduce the number of departments. Privatize key sectors of the economy. In short, shrink the massive size of the government back to a manageable scope. An analogy may be helpful. Picture Hulk as he returns to normal. That’s what I propose to do with the government.
PROBLEM: Increasing violence.
SOLUTION: Spiderman is fully capable of and willing to defend the innocent and protect the weak.
PROBLEM: Tenuous foreign relations.
SOLUTION: Partner with Wakandan prince T’Challa to ensure re-forge strong relationships with foreign countries.
PROBLEM: Enormous amounts of debt.
SOLUTION: Tony Stark’s bank account.
In closing, as leader my chief concern is the freedom and safety of the people. Some may disagree with my policies. In fact, I expect it. Yet there comes a time when you must stand up and say, “No, you move.”
That is what I promise to you. I will not run from these problems. I will face them, doing so with unbending resolve. And I will do everything in my power to see them solved.
What problems do you think Captain America is best suited to address?