1. Alassiel says:

    Ha, it’s kinda funny that the government men are now called CON men.

  2. Galadriel says:

    Yeah, it makes you wonder if anyone was paying attention when the acronym was announced…Maybe National Conclave would be better…

  3. I kinda liked the fact that it could be taken two ways, but it may be a bit “on the nose”. LOL.

  4. Bladebearer says:

    I likey. I think this part has an extra “his” in it: to cover up his what remained of his crumpled up vehicle.
    I know this is a first chapter, but I want to know more about Tin Man, and how great Alden’s mechanic skills really are. I liked how the scene played out overall, but I feel that last part about him going home was a little rushed.

  5. Clint Hall says:

    I like it, and maybe most importantly, I could see it as I read. Looking forward to reading more.

  6. Lauren says:

    Can’t wait to read more! And I like that the government is called CON 🙂

  7. Henrietta Frankensee says:

    I love the idea of writing a story together, corporate, interactive fiction.  I hope you get more input than the name of the authorities.  Like who is the Tin Man?  A peer? An android? A former mother/father disguised – likely his biological but perhaps one that fell in love with his charming character?  One who is in touch with his father fighting the authorities and has been asked to mentor the boy? 
    People who have disrupted childhoods have trouble making personal connections so there should be lots of tension in the relationship with the Tin Man. 
    looking forward to the next installment and more imaginings from others.
     

    • I was kinda thinking an android of some kind as well. Definitely need to be a detached kid. He belongs the state. All kids do in this story. I think he made Tin-Man as a way of building a friend. Tin-Man is probably the closest thing to true family he hasSkikda thinking the world is mostly analog though, so the android would have to be run on some kind of cassette tape programming or record of some kind. No digital technology. Electricity is used, just early electric devices.
      What should Tin-man look like? Humanoid? Floating orb? (I’d have to change the last chapter if that were true. Orbs don’t ride bikes)
       

      • Leanna says:

        If he’s a programmed android built by Alden then Alden’s lack of respect for him makes more sense.
        I vote for a more or less humanoid look.
        I don’t know where you’re planning to go with the capture but I suggest having CON try and recruit him for his mechanic skills.

  8. Evan C. says:

    YAY ITS AWSOME and are you going to tell more about some of the characters or what?

  9. Amanda says:

    Minor typo near the end.
     …his cycle was already gone, only Alden’s remained.
    Aiden threw his satchel over his shoulder, …
    Other than that, and what was previously pointed out, bravo!

What do you think?